We're sort of hard to nail down.

Bea and I have been told on more than one occasion that we lack focus. I couldn't agree more. Hey, did you guys hear that thing on MPR with Alan Rickman?

But seriously folks, one of the most difficult things for robots-posing-as-human is trying to make sense. Bea and I make none. By that I don't mean that she and I being together makes no sense. That's probably the most sense-making thing ever to happen. I mean, that really as individuals its really hard for us to make sense to anyone other than ourselves.

For example, my cousin got married 11 months ago. I am making her a quilt as a wedding present. Am making. STILL MAKING. At this point, its an anniversary present. I took a page from Bea's book and decided to punish myself for not getting my work done and watch the Vampire Diaries. And that I have to watch it while I quilt to punish myself for not getting it done earlier.  I mean, I am really starting to hate this quilt. And I always hated the Vampire Diaries, from the very first second. But somehow, I've got more productive on the quilt. Bea gets it. I think she gave me VD. I tried to explain this to Management, and now he's currently re-evaluating his role in this blog. What was I talking about again? Oh, right. How Bea and I lack focus, and why we're perfect for each other.

Usually when you humans have a conversation with someone, you follow the imperative to be relevant. This is really hard for me for multiple reasons. Usually its because I'm not paying attention. Now, it might be because I am bored, or because I'm panicked about possibly needing to contribute to a social interaction, and trying not to let you humans smell my fear. It could also be because something shiny distracted me. Either way, having a conversation with a person makes wriggle like a worm on a hook, in that I am in pain, and not really understanding what is happening to me.

Some back story: Bea and I have known each other for a long time, but it look a long time for us to be friends. I directly attribute this to the fact that neither of us is in the market for a friend, or ever want to do any thing. Granted there were some key exceptions, such as seeing Hilary Duff movies that absolutely need to be seen. But like all good friendships that are based on a mutual desire to not be hanging out and instead watching Netflix in bed, it grew into something more: a profound mutual understanding. 

It was around this point that Bea moved to Texas. This was sad. But as I had lit off for Montreal a few years earlier, I understand the need to be Somewhere Else. So now Bea is in Austin. But she and I are built for long distance relationships. When she lived in the Twin Cities, it would be sad if we watched Dexter over the phone, like we both secretly really wanted to do. But now, since she lives in TX, its slightly less sad.

At this point you all (or y'all) might be snapping your collective fingers to try to get me back on track. What does all this have to do with making sense, focusing or conversations. Well, hold your horses! I'm getting there! I was talking about having conversations. But now since Bea is far away, we can't converse in person. So we decided to do what seemed like the only natural thing to do: write each other old timey love letters. (Bea is way better at sending things to me than I am to her.) Otherwise, its more or less texting and Facebook, which is more or less a way for us to indulge in our anti-social tendencies. Ain't the digital age great? The overall effect of this is that Bea and I have about 3 conversations going at once. Usually two threads on facebook, much to the annoyance of everyone around us, and on going texts.

The conversations go something like this:
Me: Someday, I want to complie a list of recipes from famous works of literature and call it "cooking the books"
Bea: You so need to do that! My figgy pudding is never as good as Mr. Darcy's
Me: hehe. Also, what's the deal with office parties?

Somehow in the course of our friendship, we discovered that by tossing "also" in front of any statement makes it immediately applicable to the conversation. I can't imagine what its like to have to try to talk to us. Management recently described it like this: "There's too much sarcasm, exuberance and lies with you two to be able to tell."

Now at this point in the personal essay that I try to tie everything all together, and some how muddle my way to pretending I am capable of linear thought. But if I were talking to Bea I'd just let the conversation lull, slipping her ....er, I mean my phone back into my pocket until another thought popped into my head.

Its nice to not have to make sense. Or focus.

Also, why would a 165 year old vampire want to date a high school girl anyway? What's the end game there?