Alright. ALRIGHT. Time to get serious here, before Management makes us go on a weekend retreat to get us to talk about our feelings, and have us do trust exercises. I really don't want to do trust exercises with Bea because she'd probably be too busy making deals with herself to pay attention to the fact that I was falling down, and then when I broke my wrist she'd be all "Well, if you didn't want that to happen, you should spoken up about it, but since I didn't make an accord with myself to be trusted by you, you mostly deserve it."
Bea states the point of the game is to see you can get from the beginning to the end. (Probe This, Jerk line 30, 2011). Once I reach the end of a game, I think to myself, in exactly these words, "Oh, looks like this particular instance of 8.06581752 × 1067 possible card combinations just wasn't felicitous! Nutter butters! But I guess its a good thing that my self worth is not contingent on how this algorithm, whose outcome is primarily determined by statistics and probability rather than any sort of skill or observation on my part. Oh, look! This slight alteration to the order gives me yet another instance of this playing field, which will allow me to continue to execute a play."
Bea on the other hand probably thinks something like this: "Oh, looks like this particular instance of 8.06581752 × 1067 possible card combinations just wasn't felicitous! Life just isn't worth living if I can't beat the math!" She then probably commences to read depressing or non-sense poetry. Or watch Vampire Diaries, which I assume is just some weird form of self-flagellation. Something I assume she needs to do because she needs to punish herself for all of her lost games of solitaire.
Now, if you argue about something pointless enough long enough, two things happen: First, someone brings up Nazi Germany. Two, someone looks something up on the internet.
Well, I went to the internet to see if I couldn't get this thing settled. And I forgot exactly what my point was going to be about solitaire is a futile exercise in busy work you do to keep yourself occupied, and arbitrary rules, and how to cheat at a cigarette, but I actually found websites that have programs you can download to win digital solitaire every time. Now, I think both of us would agree that THOSE people are definitely lying to themselves, and are all sorts of trampy.
I have a really hard time imagining what would drive someone to work that hard to do something that is so meaningless. I get why psychologically and anthropologically people cheat. It sort of makes you a dick, but if it helps you gain prestige, and therefore a mate, hey, that's your evolutionary right. But no one will have sex with you if you win at computer solitaire. Its not like they wouldn't not sleep with you either. But if you cheat at computer solitaire? You might as well just hand in your genitals
ALSO, you are wrong. it takes at least SOME observational prowess. not a lot by any stretch of the imagination but because it isn't that hard to begin with i don't see why you need to cheat!!!!!!!!!! OMFG. dude i kind of want to break up but i didn't tell you beforehand that this is one of my deal breakers.
ReplyDeletealso the management better weigh in on this soon
ReplyDeletealso X3. i am going to go play solitaire and watch vampire diaries now because you put the idea in my head.
ReplyDeletei am not threatening to break up! i think it is perfectly acceptable to point out every so often how if i WASN'T the most stubborn person ever, here is where i might call it quits. but only if both parties recognize it will never happen. in fact you should take it as a compliment that i find you mentally sound enough to toy with your "emotions."
ReplyDeleteThat's so romantic!
ReplyDeleteAlso, the day that i agree to do trust exercises should be the day you purposely not catch me, just to prove to me i was right all along to not want to do them.
ReplyDelete